309: The Guest House (Part 2)

Splodge decides that Mrs Koala's guest house needs some fine food, so Blinky and Nutsy investigate Farmer Scratchet's fields to see if they can find some.

Blinky Bill and Nutsy was first published in 1937, and as such it contains material that might be outdated, inaccurate or offensive, as well as material that would now be considered quite dark for children’s fiction. Aside from language that Madame Magpie is personally uncomfortable using, the text has been left as it was originally published. 

Madame Magpie’s Bedtime Stories will always be available to stream for free, but if you’d like to support the podcast, you can do so via Patreon at patreon.com/MadameMagpie. For $3/month, Patreon members can download episodes for offline listening. 

Blinky Bill was written and illustrated by Dorothy Wall, first published by Angus & Robertson in 1933. Sound effects are from Zapsplat, Epidemic Sound, Pixabay, Soundly and Dylan Barfield. 

All images are made by Josh Dykgraaf using Dorothy Wall's original illustrations. Madame Magpie is a creation of Alix Roberts. Narration and character voices by Alix Roberts.

Madame Magpie’s Bedtime Stories are recorded and edited by Alix Roberts (aka Madame Magpie) on the lands of the Wurundjeri and Bunarong Peoples of the Kulin nation. Madame Magpie acknowledges the rich and extensive history of storytelling among Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, and pays her respects to past and present elders of all nations.

Transcript

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Hello everyone. My name is Madame Magpie, and I'm here to tell you a story. This story is called Blinky Bill and Nutsy by Dorothy Wall. Chapter 5 The Guest House Part Two At the office of a home away from home, the manager was slowly and carefully writing in a large book. Mr Tree Kangaroo came and went. Profit one pair of shoes. Loss nothing. Not too bad for the first try, Splodge said to himself. But I can see things won't livening up a bit if we're to make this business pay. Moonlight picnics dancing in the bush, fishing excursions, snake hunts. That's the idea. I'll go now and tell Mrs. Kawala what must be done. By the way, it's time that young shaver Mr Blinky was back. I wonder where he's got to. Almost simultaneously with Splodge's thought, Blinky came tumbling through the bush, a large cabbage tightly held between his front paws, and a very pleased look on his face. Where'd you get that? Splodge shouted, staring coldly at the cabbage. Over at Farmer Scratchit's, Blinky said proudly. Did you come by it honestly? Splodge demanded. Yes, Blinky replied, hugging the cabbage more tightly. I asked Farmer Scratchit if he'd lend me a few cabbages and carrots, and Mrs. Scratchit's clothes basket, and instead of saying certainly, Blinky, he roared at me and said he'd give me exactly one minute to get off his premises. And how did you come by that cabbage under those circumstances? Splodge said sternly, pointing to the cabbage. I just walked out of the gate, round the back of Farmer Scratchit's house, popped under the fence, and grabbed it before it had time to call out for help. That's stealing, Splodge thundered. And sure as eggs, that very same cabbage will choke you if you attempt to eat it. Oh I didn't know that, Blinky said in surprise. Will it choke all the guests too? No, only the stealer of it, Spludge replied. Here, hand it over while I taste to see if it's perfectly fresh. Blinky handed over the big, crisp cabbage, not without some misgivings. Splodge pulled a juicy leaf and quickly gobbled the dainty. The second and third leaves disappeared in the same way with startling rapidity. Here, you'll have the whole lot if you don't stop, Blinky shouted indignantly, making a grab at the cabbage. The outside leaves are no good for guests, and I'm only eating them, Splodge replied, holding the cabbage at a safe distance from Blinky. You shin up the tree and tell your mother to come down and have a look at it. Besides, I want to talk business with her. Don't you eat another leaf, or I'll not be responsible for my actions when I come back, Blinky said as he started to climb the tree. Stuff and nonsense, Spludge mumbled to himself, as he crammed his mouth full of cabbage. I'll just taste one more leaf from the heart, and then I'll not touch another. Saying this, he pulled apart the creamy heart of the cabbage, and instantly gobbled half of it. The remainder looked very silly indeed, so he decided to finish it and be done with the whole affair. A half cabbage will only cause ill feeling and jealousy. So here goes, Sporge added. And away went the last little particle of that beautiful green cabbage. The very idea of stealing a cabbage, he said to himself. That'll be a lesson to young man Blinky. I can't bear the thought of him stealing. In a few minutes, Mrs. Koala, Nutsi, and Blinky stood in front of him. Where's the cabbage? Blinky demanded, glaring at Splodge. I decided it was best to destroy it, Splodge explained. Stolen goods only cause trouble. I hope you have the biggest and longest stomach ache you've ever had in your life. Blinky shouted with rage. I think you might have waited until we could hold a consultation over the cabbage, Mrs. Kawava remarked, looking at Splodge. After all, it was my son's cabbage and not yours. We'll say no more about it, Splodge replied, dismissing the subject with a wave of his paw. More urgent business requires our attention. What's that? Mrs. Koala inquired. This place wants pepping up, Splodge said impressively. Amusements for the guests. Parties, dances, excursions, picnics, and a bit of revelry here and there. I'd like to give you a bit of revelry here and there, Blinky said, still glowering at Splodge. That'll do, Mrs. Koala said sternly, giving her son a gentle push. I think we'll adjourn to my office, Mrs. Koala, and discuss the matter in quietness and privacy, Splodge said, ignoring Blinky and Nutsy. Quite so, quite so, Mrs. Koala replied. Blinky, you and Nutsy play about for a little while until I call you. Come on, Nuts, let's go for a walk, Blinky whispered. That splodge is the greediest gobbler I've ever seen. Can't we get another cabbage? Nutsi asked. I'm sure Mrs. Koala would like one. Course we can. We can get dozens of em, Blinky said, with a worldly air. We can get carrots and potatoes too. And Mrs. Scratchit's basket as well. What a surprise Mrs. Koala will get, Nutsy said excitedly. Come on, let's hurry, Blinky replied, running ahead through the bush. It was moonlight. As the two little koalas approached Farmer Scratchit's house, they saw a light gleaming in the window. He's in bed, Blinky whispered. We'll crawl round to the laundry first and get the basket. Nutsi was trembling with excitement. Has he a dog? she asked. He's chained up. And besides, he's a friend of mine, Blinky answered. Nearer and nearer they crept towards the laundry. But the door was open, and everything looked very simple and easy. A few more steps, and they stood in front of the door. There was the clothes basket, full of linen on top of the copper. We'll have to tip all that rubbish out, Blinky remarked. I'll get up on top of the copper and throw the stuff down. You be ready to help me down with the basket. Well hurry up, Natsy said nervously. Someone might catch us. Almost immediately Farmer Scratchit's dog began to bark. He'll catch us! He'll kill us Natsy whispered. Hide in the copper! Come on then, Blinky said excitedly. Hurry up or he'll be here. The two little koalas scrambled into the copper, pulling the lid over them, and lay there with hearts thumping, while Farmer Scratchit's dog barked furiously. Lie down a voice roared from the house, but the dog still kept barking. In a few moments, heavy footsteps came padding down the path.

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What's all the noise about?

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Farmer Scratchit demanded. The dog barked and tugged at his chain. I've a good mind to let you off, Farmer Scratchit said. I wouldn't if I were you, Blinky said softly. Tell him not to Natsy whimpered. Be quiet, Blinky ordered. We're dead as turnips if he finds us. Nearer came the footsteps, and then horror of horrors! Farmer Scratchit came into the laundry.

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If there's anyone about, he's in here, Farmer Scratchit said under his breath, as he turned over boxes, moved the gardening tools, looked behind the door, and actually in the clothes basket. That dog's a fraud, he exclaimed. Yap, yap, yap, and no cause for any of it. For two pins I'd give him to the butcher.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Blinky gave Nutsy a nudge. They held their breaths, not daring to make the slightest sound. Kato Farmer Scratchit sneezed, making the windows rattle, and nearly, very nearly, killing the two little koalas with fright. A plague on that dog, he said, loudly and crossly. Here I am catching my death of cold all through his yapping. Bed's the best place for me. Saying this, he stamped out of the laundry, and to Blinky's and Nutsy's delight, hauled his dog, chain and all, round to the front of the house. Isn't he kind? Blinky giggled as he and Nutsy wriggled out of the copper. I think I'm going to faint, Nutsy said weakly. I'll push you under the tap if you do, Blinky said sternly. Just you try any of those silly tricks, and you'll soon be sorry. Get down on the floor while I empty the basket. Nutsi did so without any further comment, while a shower of linen came hurtling through the air. Piles of it flew in all directions, and finally the basket arrived after a good kick from Blinky on top of the copper. Look out for your shins, he called, as the basket toppled at Nutsy's feet. In another few seconds, both little koalas were tugging and pushing the cumbersome basket out of the door and over the lawn. Under the fence and across the paddock to where the vegetables grew, they heaved and tugged, determined to accomplish their mission. Farmer Scratchit's best piece of rope that he always used for hauling logs and iron about was the cause of at least half an hour's tussle as Blinky and Nutsy came upon it lying on the ground. They lifted and grunted, sighed and heaved as they pushed it into the basket. Then off once more to the cabbage patch. It's no use taking more than one cabbage and one potato and one carrot, Blinky said, puffing. We'll never get home if we do. I wish Splodge was here, Nutsy remarked. We could harness him to the basket and drag home lots of cabbages then. It's a good idea, Blinky said, looking at Nutsy. But he's not to be trusted after what happened to the last cabbage. Besides, he'll say it's stealing, and we're only borrowing. But he'd be such a help, Nutsy persisted. I could run home and get him while you fill the basket up, ready to pull off when he comes. If I get him, he'll have to promise not to eat our things, and not to growl, Blinky answered. And that means we've got to get the rope out again. Nutsy was already in the basket, trying to heave the rope out. They pushed and poked, puffing and grunting until the rope lay on the ground. Go for your life, Blinky ordered, and don't be long, 'cause Farmer Scratchit might come round again. Nutsy flew along the track, while Blinky pulled up carrots and potatoes by the dozen. Into the basket they went, with six fine cabbages perched on top. By the time he'd completed his job, Splodge and Nutsy came in sight. Nutsy perched on top of her friend's back, while he made big bounds over to where Blinky stood. What game is this? Splodge demanded, looking as cross as he possibly could. Private business Blinky replied loftily. If you care to drag this basket home, you'll be paid with one potato. Splodge was speechless. Such impudence and from so small an animal too. Hook your hind legs to the basket with this rope, Blinky began to command. Now look here, my young fellow. I'm not hooking any of my hind legs to any baskets for any one for only one potato, Spludge said definitively. One potato, one carrot, and one cabbage is my price. Take it or leave it. Blinky announced sternly, but I'll have to hire you. Not a word was mentioned in regard to stealing, as Splodge licked his lips while helping Nutsy and Blinky to tie the rope to the basket handles, and then loop it over his shoulders. You and Nutsy had better get in the basket too, Splodge said, as he eyed the load, which to him was a mere trifle. Hooray! Blinky shouted. Come on, nuts, now for a joy ride. Up the two of them scrambled, perching themselves between cabbages and clinging to the basket sides. All aboard? Splodge called. Off we go. With a tremendous jerk, the basket bounded off the ground. Bump, bump, bump. Over the paddock it went, Splodge leaping ahead, while Blinky and Nutsy were bounced about among the cabbages and potatoes. Round the corners they bounded, in and out of the trees, missing branches and rocks by a hairbreadth. Mrs. Rabbit and her toddlers were out for an evening stroll. She looked with amazement at this new kind of danger that came tearing along the bush track, then, with one startled scream, called her babies to her side as she and they dashed into the undergrowth, away from the hideous monster. It's enough to turn all my children cross-eyed. Mrs. Rabbit panted as she lined her babies up under cover of a big gum tree and examined each carefully. Meanwhile, Splodge and Co. went bounding along. The quicker home, the quicker I'll get my cabbage, Splodge thought. Mrs. Koala, up in the tree, could not believe her eyes as she saw Splodge and the contraption come tearing through the bush. Wallop, wallop, wallop, they came, amid calls and shouts from Blinky and Nutsy. Down the tree Mrs. Koala scrambled, nearly slipping in her excitement. Splodge came to a standstill, streams of puff coming from his nostrils. Look what we've got Blinky shouted. Potatoes and carrots and cabbages Nutsy shouted at the same time. It's all borrowed, Blinky replied, dancing up and down. And the basket too and the rope. Mrs. Koala repeated. She was amazed. Of course we'll have to return the basket and rope, Splodge explained. But I don't see how we can manage about the vegetables. Anyhow, there's acres of them over at Farmer Scratchit's going to waste. Sheer waste and just asking to be picked and eaten. It's a kindness to do it. Quite right, Mrs. Kabala agreed. I never can understand humans allowing fields and fields of cabbages and carrots to remain there week in and week out. That's it for today. Thank you for listening. Sweet dreams. Madame Magpie's bedtime stories will always be available to stream for free. But if you'd like to support the podcast, you can do so via Patreon at patreon.com slash Madam Magpie. That's M-A-D-A-M-E M-A-G-P-I-E. For three dollars a month, Patreon members have the option of downloading episodes for offline listening. Blinky Bill was written and illustrated by Dorothy Wall, first published by Angus and Robertson in 1933. Sound effects are from Zap Splat, Epidemic Sound, Pixabay, Soundly, and Dylan Barfield. All images are made by Josh Dyke Graaff using Dorothy Wall's original illustrations. Madame Magpie is a creation of Alex Roberts. Narration and character voices by Alex Roberts. Madame Magpie's bedroom. Time stories are recorded and edited by Alex Roberts, a.k.a. Madame Magpie, on the lands of the Wurundjeri and Boonerong peoples of the Kulin Nation. Madame Magpie acknowledges the rich and extensive history of storytelling among Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples and pays her respects to past and present elders of all nations. Madame Magpie's bent time stories.